Stuart’s Horrible Life at School

by Sawyer Soles
Honourable Mention - Roslyn and Max Margles Contest Grades 3/4

Chapter #1

Hi, my name is George. I’m the narrator of this story.

I am also the one who found Stuart’s diary so I can tell it to you. For anybody that will read this I shall warn you, you will laugh, and you will definitely, definitely, 100% pee a little in your pants. But we don’t want you to go to the bathroom because you’ll miss the story so, I’ll only tell you the funniest parts.

There once was this kid named Stuart.
Stuart had a hard life.
Everyone at school hated this kid and put their trash in his backpack.
But that wasn’t even the worst part, the worst happened later.
At the end of the day Stuart got his homework.

Since Stuart was only in third grade he only got (Stuart speaking) “6 PAGES!
Each page has 5 words!”*
“The words are so hard, allow me to list them.”
Is, am, I, it, if, or, the, are, like, man, can, kid, so, you, there, mat, pat, dog, bog, mop, but, at, had, has, cat, hot, hi, bye, no, yes.

* “I am not doing 5 x 6!”
Stuart claims.

Stuart Hates Recess
Chapter #2

Stuart steps forth into the horribleness of the most horrible part of horrifying school and horrible day, waiting for the non-horrible weekend. When he tried to play tag he would get caught, flipped onto his back almost dying of pain which seemed to him like he must have broken his spine. 

There was this one thing that Stuart hated the most and that would have to be…

Stuart Hates Everything
Chapter #3

What Stuart Hates List

- School
- Recess
- Everything that has to do with school
- Homework
- Reading
- Talking to parents about school
- Going to the principal’s office at school
- Writing
- Public speaking
- Science fairs
- Everything (Literally)
- School’s lunch
- Tests
- Friends (I’m in shock!)

P.S. I found this list on his shoe in his cubby under a jacket with dog poop on it!

For Stuart, that’s the Big and Against the Law List.

We still do not know the reason as to why Stuart hates everything, but my guess is, he’s not human.

Stuart Hates Parents’ Reactions
Chapter #4

Attention readers this part is accurate according to the behaviour of parents’ reactions. ⚠️

Quote of mom. “No, you didn’t, did you, you couldn’t, you wouldn't, it is, you shouldn’t have, thank you!”

Quote of dad. “You got bad grades? You got bad grades! We’re moving schools, we shall never come back.”

Conclusion:

Adults should never be trusted!

Stuart Hates Homework
Chapter #5

Attention readers this part is also accurate! ⚠️

Why in the world do you need homework? You already have school, so why would you have to do homework?

How to never do your homework:

Step 1. You've got to take it out of your bag to prove to your parents that you’re doing homework.

Step 2. You’ve got to convince your parents to get a dog or a cat or a hamster or a guinea pig.

Step 3. Once you’ve got an animal you must crumple your homework into a ball and throw it at your pet so that your pet thinks that it’s a ball. They think it would be a challenger and will poke holes in your paper. Then you can go to school saying that your new pet ate it.

Or

If you didn’t convince your parents to get a pet, you rinse your homework under the sink and poke holes with a pencil. After, say that you found it after it fell out of your backpack and thought that it would be best to throw it out. Now you tell your teacher that you thought it would be best to not show you my homework paper that is wrecked, so you threw it out.

That’s How You Do It!

Stuart Hates Art
Chapter #6

Quote of Stuart: “Art, a procedure of natural dumbness.
A combination of mixing random colours to make a blob. Then I sell my blob for $100 dollars and name it. SO DUMB. Now if you really think about it hard enough you will realize that it is part of life. Except when you’re me and you carry a blindfold everywhere and not look at art and everything else in life. But mostly the horrible art surrounding you.”

“Wow, he really has an issue,” I say.

“I do not have an issue.”

Stuart’s Revenge
Chapter #7

The only thing worse that could possibly happen. Stuart to come find me sharing his secret (now not-secret-diary.) 

“Actually, I might have an issue. An issue with you,” he booms infuriatingly.

His face all red, his beading eyes staring at me and his angry tone. You could maybe, possibly, if I’m not just hallucinating from pure fright, see smoke coming from his nostrils. You could maybe, possibly, if I’m not just hallucinating again from pure fright, see a little flicker of fire coming out of his eyes.

“Out of many character traits that suit him, compassion and understanding is not one of them,” I whisper to myself. “I can explain–”-

But before I am able to finish my sentence, another looming figure stops me right in front of the exit.

The principal…

“I guess school isn’t so bad, it isn’t so bad when you get someone in trouble,” Stuart realizes. “Though, I’m still not convinced about life in general,” Stuart grumbles.

“Now I know how Stuart felt. My life at school is horrible, and it just got worse,” I sigh in exasperation.

The End

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ABOUT THE CREATOR

Honourable Mention, Grades 3/4 - Sawyer Soles
According to the jury, “Stuart’s Horrible Life at School” demonstrated strong storytelling from an author who knows how to appeal to his audience. They praised its humour and originality as well as its character development.

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